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Film: The Da Vinci Code
From the word go the entire idea of the novel or at least the success of an overused idea has rubbed me the wrong way and to add Tom Hanks into the film version would pretty much have guaranteed that I’d never actually see it if not for Ian Mckellen also having a staring roll.
So, from the outset The Da Vinci Code reminded me of that truest of principles: that the amount of fancy PowerPoint in the presentation is inversely proportional to actual content. Follow that up with fanatics who literally self-flagellate and I started wondering if someone had just re-shot The Name of the Rose. Also, yes while the Vitruvian Man may be famous because of Leonardo da Vinci’s sketch where he realised that the square within the circle needed to have a different centre to the circle to create the correct proportions, the idea itself and the instructions on how to draw it out in diagrammatic form came from, funnily enough, Marcus Vitruvius Pollio.
That the Knights Templar got powerful and the Church didn’t like it; that’s a given. Their meetings were outlawed but mostly survived quite happily in secrecy in the South of England, particularly Hertfordshire. They’ve been charged with having the Shroud of Turin and the Holy Grail and the Arc of the Covenant in various legends anyway. But it’s not the fancy legends I have a problem with really, I actually like the fancy legends but please, for the love of something stop bastardising them really, really direly in Hollywood films. Also, the rose in a vase... my first thought was, was it meant to be either ‘heh, we’ve run off to England’ or some odd references to the Rosicrucian Order? The film later says that it’s symbolic of the Grail but I know those two references were the first ones I thought of.
I was almost waiting for a reference to Francis Dashwood and the Hell Fire Club next because quite seriously, watching The Da Vinci Code was like playing ‘how many other unoriginal ideas can Dan Brown pull out of his arse and market badly?’
Ian Mckellen’s first appearance, even as a disembodied voice on the other end of a security speaker was at least highly entertaining. Though the Oxford vs. Harvard question was a tad bizarre. Surely the question should rather be ‘when did Oxford ever beat Cambridge?’ He did a marvellous job of playing a crazy though, right down to the ‘look at the circumstantial evidence’ mania.
I suppose the heading off to London made me smile because having made extensive use of Temple underground, which is named for the obvious, for a few years while there, it cheers me up in the same way that any reference to the old Strand station does too. They really ought to reopen that too; there are people who don’t like to walk up the slope from Temple, don’t you know.
I’d also heard the complaint that the little moveable glass pyramid under the inverse pyramid in the Louvre shopping centre had to be cordoned off due to idiots thinking it was actually the tip of a larger pyramid due to the book but at least it was gratifying to see that it didn’t get hacked up in the film. Small mercies and all that.
Overall, the film was slow to start and was really reaching for little bits of popular myth for just about everything. The cryptographic genius girl was useless in a way that I’m sure was meant to illustrate the level-headed genius of the main character but all it did was lead into some special effects where he either stated a bit of popular myth or just did nothing. I’d say I was disappointed but I’m really not surprised. The action picked up about half way through with a few chase scenes and then sank back into blasé again. I actually feel like I’ve sat through either a light afternoon conspiracy documentary or had an idiot attempt to explain Straussianism to me. That said, the only person I know who read the book and seemed to enjoy it was a friend who, despite similar Catholic schooling, had to be told point-blank that Aslan was meant to be Jesus.
I’ve wasted roughly two hours of my life I really could have done better things with, like poking my knees or watching clothes in a tumble dryer.
I also have to admit that having just watched the film I felt like I’d been dipped into a vat of lunacy topped with Straussianism. I had to shower as soon as possible afterwards and this has to have been the first film that’s made me want to do that. So now at least I smell of limes and sensibility which interestingly enough is surprisingly similar to aftershave.
So, from the outset The Da Vinci Code reminded me of that truest of principles: that the amount of fancy PowerPoint in the presentation is inversely proportional to actual content. Follow that up with fanatics who literally self-flagellate and I started wondering if someone had just re-shot The Name of the Rose. Also, yes while the Vitruvian Man may be famous because of Leonardo da Vinci’s sketch where he realised that the square within the circle needed to have a different centre to the circle to create the correct proportions, the idea itself and the instructions on how to draw it out in diagrammatic form came from, funnily enough, Marcus Vitruvius Pollio.
That the Knights Templar got powerful and the Church didn’t like it; that’s a given. Their meetings were outlawed but mostly survived quite happily in secrecy in the South of England, particularly Hertfordshire. They’ve been charged with having the Shroud of Turin and the Holy Grail and the Arc of the Covenant in various legends anyway. But it’s not the fancy legends I have a problem with really, I actually like the fancy legends but please, for the love of something stop bastardising them really, really direly in Hollywood films. Also, the rose in a vase... my first thought was, was it meant to be either ‘heh, we’ve run off to England’ or some odd references to the Rosicrucian Order? The film later says that it’s symbolic of the Grail but I know those two references were the first ones I thought of.
I was almost waiting for a reference to Francis Dashwood and the Hell Fire Club next because quite seriously, watching The Da Vinci Code was like playing ‘how many other unoriginal ideas can Dan Brown pull out of his arse and market badly?’
Ian Mckellen’s first appearance, even as a disembodied voice on the other end of a security speaker was at least highly entertaining. Though the Oxford vs. Harvard question was a tad bizarre. Surely the question should rather be ‘when did Oxford ever beat Cambridge?’ He did a marvellous job of playing a crazy though, right down to the ‘look at the circumstantial evidence’ mania.
I suppose the heading off to London made me smile because having made extensive use of Temple underground, which is named for the obvious, for a few years while there, it cheers me up in the same way that any reference to the old Strand station does too. They really ought to reopen that too; there are people who don’t like to walk up the slope from Temple, don’t you know.
I’d also heard the complaint that the little moveable glass pyramid under the inverse pyramid in the Louvre shopping centre had to be cordoned off due to idiots thinking it was actually the tip of a larger pyramid due to the book but at least it was gratifying to see that it didn’t get hacked up in the film. Small mercies and all that.
Overall, the film was slow to start and was really reaching for little bits of popular myth for just about everything. The cryptographic genius girl was useless in a way that I’m sure was meant to illustrate the level-headed genius of the main character but all it did was lead into some special effects where he either stated a bit of popular myth or just did nothing. I’d say I was disappointed but I’m really not surprised. The action picked up about half way through with a few chase scenes and then sank back into blasé again. I actually feel like I’ve sat through either a light afternoon conspiracy documentary or had an idiot attempt to explain Straussianism to me. That said, the only person I know who read the book and seemed to enjoy it was a friend who, despite similar Catholic schooling, had to be told point-blank that Aslan was meant to be Jesus.
I’ve wasted roughly two hours of my life I really could have done better things with, like poking my knees or watching clothes in a tumble dryer.
I also have to admit that having just watched the film I felt like I’d been dipped into a vat of lunacy topped with Straussianism. I had to shower as soon as possible afterwards and this has to have been the first film that’s made me want to do that. So now at least I smell of limes and sensibility which interestingly enough is surprisingly similar to aftershave.