Meine Liebe AU: Refrain
Apr. 29th, 2006 12:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
narcasse1345 words. G.
In same AU continuity as Abomination and Perversion.
Orpherus on the topic of necessity during the war.
Refrain
Disclaimer: Meine Liebe belongs to Konami, Yuki Kaori and others.
Refrain: A verse which repeats throughout a song or poem at given intervals.
++++++++++
The morning after, Orpherus wakes with a vague sense of contentment and not the awful headache that he might once have entertained. It’s been quite some time now since he suffered too many overt ill effects from his occasional alcoholic binges. He drinks too much, sleeps too much and takes prescribed medication to aid the latter. And regardless of the occasional objection to his use of barbiturates, Orpherus will quite readily argue that he needs them and that the only other alternative would be to return to using alcohol on such occasions. He drinks fairly often anyway, mostly with his colleagues rather than by himself, though it is regularly to the extent where he will fall unconscious and will have to be given over into the care of servants to be brought home.
Ironically, the very fact that he can and will out drink most of his colleagues is the very same reason that many of the older Strahl view him as an unsuitable match for their daughters. Not that anyone could force him to marry now as things stand. He is too powerful, too ruthless and there are few left to challenge him.
Ludwig’s disappearance before the onset of war should have meant little, should only have been of passing interest among the gossiping Strahl unfortunately, once war began those old men suddenly discovered that there was little that they were capable off and had turned to the younger Strahl for some desperate insight. There were only three of them left by then, the youngest and most promising. There was no time to train future politicians with the threat of war looming so after these, there would be none left.
Camus had argued for moderation and diplomacy as much as was possible, sanity intact. Eduard had supported that and yet still floundered, confounded by his own detrimental delusions. So it had been Orpherus who had done what circumstance had required, who had handed over innocents to the enemy in an attempt to keep that threat at bay.
There might even be documents somewhere still, pages and pages of warrants for false arrest or at least arrests of dubious legality. Pages covered with skewed reason and nonsense and not much else. Orpherus’ signature emblazoned on them all.
He sent whole families to their doom ‘for the sake of the kingdom’, betrayed and cheated and lied to secure an ailing King’s throne. He had to fight Camus every step of the way, clawing at every last piece of malicious intent to override Camus’ rationale, to forsake his own sanity.
War is not the province of the sane.
The King is ailing, still, again. Orpherus isn’t entirely sure anymore, all that matters is that the King is ineffective and that there really is no one else to sit as a puppet on his throne. It might be nice to keep a nominal figurehead, Orpherus supposes but he can’t seem to pick anyone and hasn’t even considered it of late. It shouldn’t be his concern but the kingdom of Kuchen has always been his concern of late. There are fewer older Strahl left to threaten his dominion, fewer still who would even dare. There will be younger Strahl again, now that the war has seen its end but they will be in no position to challenge him. He needs to see to that too, to give his formal recommendations as if it is some marginally egalitarian system. None of it is, not anymore.
Orpherus’ power comes from his ruthlessness, his dementia during the war. There is no one left who would dare challenge him. His elders live in fear, of his nearest peers there are few who question what he has done and of the newest Strahl candidates to come, they will have been fed on the myth of a man who had the courage to do what had, what circumstance required to be done. He is less of a person than an idea to them now.
If he would try to justify it he might argue that to keep their kingdom safe sacrifices had to be made but it doesn’t even sound like a good excuse to his own ears so how could he expect others to believe it? He traded information with enemies disguised as allies one on side and prisoners with enemies dressed as conquerors on the other. His hands have never been so unclean.
He doesn’t even know how many went to their deaths because of him, can’t even begin to consider the count. How many innocents died because he did what needed to be done? Nobody else had the courage to do it, none of them wanted to dirty their hands.
Of course now that such things have passed there should be recriminations. He should be hated and reviled, yet all he finds is their fear. He alone understood what was needed to keep their country safe, he alone is to blame.
There is not forgiveness enough to shrive his sins and yet perhaps then his continued life is the punishment of fate. His life is hollow now; there is no joy, no light, no salvation. He exists for the sake of his duty, simply existing for that sole function. There is nothing else besides, nothing to bring laugher to his lips or the flicker of a smile to his eyes. He is hollow now because of all that he has done. Empty and worn.
There are days when all he wants to do is sleep, to close his eyes against the light and sink into oblivion at long last but he is like a ghost haunting the Council halls and his duty will never be done. He will carry on for as long as he can and perhaps in a merciful world, for that he might also be remembered.
Orpherus used to be idealistic, that much he can admit. He used to believe in the strength of dreams. He doesn’t dream now and it is all that he can do to find an artificial means to make him sleep. Otherwise the hours will stretch into days and days into madness. The Furies are cruel in their punishment, in the execution of their grand design.
Perhaps he was cursed from the start to lose his beloved Eurydice to death, though presumably that would be one of the more perverse comparisons he could make. Perhaps he was simply meant to exist in Hell, Lethe’s waters forever denied to him. What use in remembering hazy glimpses of happiness if not as an eternal punishment?
“Hell is cold, my love.”
Of course Ludwig would have said something like that but Orpherus is convinced that he must have been quoting from somewhere else at least.
“Hades is an illusion.”
Had his sister ever really said that?
It’s so hard to remember sometimes. There are so many fragments of memory that no longer make sense in his head. Camus would understand, if only he wasn’t already dead. The war killed Camus, the conflict, the pain and Orpherus recognises some guilt for his part.
“You did what needed to be done. Don’t fret, Orpherus, it will be alright.”
Camus always knew how to soften the harsh blows of reality.
“Why?”
The only voice he cannot answer and he is already too tired to plead with Eduard that he simply wants to sleep. Why did it he do any of it at all? The answer is simple if he does really want to think about it, far too painful in all estimation; in the end, he did it because he never had any chance to escape.
“Because there was nobody there to save me, I had to save myself. I did what had to be done and I’m afraid that I that there is little point at last in regret.”
These days, Orpherus is no longer simply a man but rather a flawed ideal and he finds the idea of prolonged guilt to be tedious at best. Perhaps then it is entirely possible that the Furies have actually been kind.
++++++++++
Orpherus refers to the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, as well as indirectly hinting at the tale of Oedipus with his undeniable fate. The river of Lethe is one of the rives that flow through Hades from which the shades of the dead had to drink to forget their past lives and be reborn. In the process of swimming across the river to achieve rebirth it was said to be impossible for them to fail to swallow at least a mouthful of the water.
Barbiturates were first manufactured in the 1860s in Germany and first prescribed in 1903.
In same AU continuity as Abomination and Perversion.
Orpherus on the topic of necessity during the war.
Refrain
Disclaimer: Meine Liebe belongs to Konami, Yuki Kaori and others.
Refrain: A verse which repeats throughout a song or poem at given intervals.
++++++++++
The morning after, Orpherus wakes with a vague sense of contentment and not the awful headache that he might once have entertained. It’s been quite some time now since he suffered too many overt ill effects from his occasional alcoholic binges. He drinks too much, sleeps too much and takes prescribed medication to aid the latter. And regardless of the occasional objection to his use of barbiturates, Orpherus will quite readily argue that he needs them and that the only other alternative would be to return to using alcohol on such occasions. He drinks fairly often anyway, mostly with his colleagues rather than by himself, though it is regularly to the extent where he will fall unconscious and will have to be given over into the care of servants to be brought home.
Ironically, the very fact that he can and will out drink most of his colleagues is the very same reason that many of the older Strahl view him as an unsuitable match for their daughters. Not that anyone could force him to marry now as things stand. He is too powerful, too ruthless and there are few left to challenge him.
Ludwig’s disappearance before the onset of war should have meant little, should only have been of passing interest among the gossiping Strahl unfortunately, once war began those old men suddenly discovered that there was little that they were capable off and had turned to the younger Strahl for some desperate insight. There were only three of them left by then, the youngest and most promising. There was no time to train future politicians with the threat of war looming so after these, there would be none left.
Camus had argued for moderation and diplomacy as much as was possible, sanity intact. Eduard had supported that and yet still floundered, confounded by his own detrimental delusions. So it had been Orpherus who had done what circumstance had required, who had handed over innocents to the enemy in an attempt to keep that threat at bay.
There might even be documents somewhere still, pages and pages of warrants for false arrest or at least arrests of dubious legality. Pages covered with skewed reason and nonsense and not much else. Orpherus’ signature emblazoned on them all.
He sent whole families to their doom ‘for the sake of the kingdom’, betrayed and cheated and lied to secure an ailing King’s throne. He had to fight Camus every step of the way, clawing at every last piece of malicious intent to override Camus’ rationale, to forsake his own sanity.
War is not the province of the sane.
The King is ailing, still, again. Orpherus isn’t entirely sure anymore, all that matters is that the King is ineffective and that there really is no one else to sit as a puppet on his throne. It might be nice to keep a nominal figurehead, Orpherus supposes but he can’t seem to pick anyone and hasn’t even considered it of late. It shouldn’t be his concern but the kingdom of Kuchen has always been his concern of late. There are fewer older Strahl left to threaten his dominion, fewer still who would even dare. There will be younger Strahl again, now that the war has seen its end but they will be in no position to challenge him. He needs to see to that too, to give his formal recommendations as if it is some marginally egalitarian system. None of it is, not anymore.
Orpherus’ power comes from his ruthlessness, his dementia during the war. There is no one left who would dare challenge him. His elders live in fear, of his nearest peers there are few who question what he has done and of the newest Strahl candidates to come, they will have been fed on the myth of a man who had the courage to do what had, what circumstance required to be done. He is less of a person than an idea to them now.
If he would try to justify it he might argue that to keep their kingdom safe sacrifices had to be made but it doesn’t even sound like a good excuse to his own ears so how could he expect others to believe it? He traded information with enemies disguised as allies one on side and prisoners with enemies dressed as conquerors on the other. His hands have never been so unclean.
He doesn’t even know how many went to their deaths because of him, can’t even begin to consider the count. How many innocents died because he did what needed to be done? Nobody else had the courage to do it, none of them wanted to dirty their hands.
Of course now that such things have passed there should be recriminations. He should be hated and reviled, yet all he finds is their fear. He alone understood what was needed to keep their country safe, he alone is to blame.
There is not forgiveness enough to shrive his sins and yet perhaps then his continued life is the punishment of fate. His life is hollow now; there is no joy, no light, no salvation. He exists for the sake of his duty, simply existing for that sole function. There is nothing else besides, nothing to bring laugher to his lips or the flicker of a smile to his eyes. He is hollow now because of all that he has done. Empty and worn.
There are days when all he wants to do is sleep, to close his eyes against the light and sink into oblivion at long last but he is like a ghost haunting the Council halls and his duty will never be done. He will carry on for as long as he can and perhaps in a merciful world, for that he might also be remembered.
Orpherus used to be idealistic, that much he can admit. He used to believe in the strength of dreams. He doesn’t dream now and it is all that he can do to find an artificial means to make him sleep. Otherwise the hours will stretch into days and days into madness. The Furies are cruel in their punishment, in the execution of their grand design.
Perhaps he was cursed from the start to lose his beloved Eurydice to death, though presumably that would be one of the more perverse comparisons he could make. Perhaps he was simply meant to exist in Hell, Lethe’s waters forever denied to him. What use in remembering hazy glimpses of happiness if not as an eternal punishment?
“Hell is cold, my love.”
Of course Ludwig would have said something like that but Orpherus is convinced that he must have been quoting from somewhere else at least.
“Hades is an illusion.”
Had his sister ever really said that?
It’s so hard to remember sometimes. There are so many fragments of memory that no longer make sense in his head. Camus would understand, if only he wasn’t already dead. The war killed Camus, the conflict, the pain and Orpherus recognises some guilt for his part.
“You did what needed to be done. Don’t fret, Orpherus, it will be alright.”
Camus always knew how to soften the harsh blows of reality.
“Why?”
The only voice he cannot answer and he is already too tired to plead with Eduard that he simply wants to sleep. Why did it he do any of it at all? The answer is simple if he does really want to think about it, far too painful in all estimation; in the end, he did it because he never had any chance to escape.
“Because there was nobody there to save me, I had to save myself. I did what had to be done and I’m afraid that I that there is little point at last in regret.”
These days, Orpherus is no longer simply a man but rather a flawed ideal and he finds the idea of prolonged guilt to be tedious at best. Perhaps then it is entirely possible that the Furies have actually been kind.
++++++++++
Orpherus refers to the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, as well as indirectly hinting at the tale of Oedipus with his undeniable fate. The river of Lethe is one of the rives that flow through Hades from which the shades of the dead had to drink to forget their past lives and be reborn. In the process of swimming across the river to achieve rebirth it was said to be impossible for them to fail to swallow at least a mouthful of the water.
Barbiturates were first manufactured in the 1860s in Germany and first prescribed in 1903.
